Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
