Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
