:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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