I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We got so high we made milksteak
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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