I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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