You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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