the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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