im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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