Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
