I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
