my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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