Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
