It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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