the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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