My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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