i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
