Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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