that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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