apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
