One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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