Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
