So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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