my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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