So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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