We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
