Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
