God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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