Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
