Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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