"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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