Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
