operation have a gay friend backfired
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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