If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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