Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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