I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
