I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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