Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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