Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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