call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Green mimosas i think yes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
