marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
