She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
