I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
