He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
