Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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