Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
