Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I love you. Go after that dick
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