none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
