when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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