He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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