I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
