Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
