today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your cock deserves a montage
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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