My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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