i already hear my dad disowning me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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