Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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